stoplurkingme

I can always see what the happy mediums in situations are, but can never seem to get to them. I am always one extreme or another. When I try to get away from those extremes, I feel scared, I am used to them. I like my extremes, but I would like to reach happy mediums.



Must keep on track. I will not compromise who I am just to satisfy you.

I seriously am lacking on updating this journal. I mainly use a different one. I need to start writing again.

I almost never use this journal anymore since I have been using a different one, I wonder why I even still have this.

Update:
all i ever wanted was love. you left and now there is no one else I want to love.

Ever feel like everything you do is never enough?
Its just "Okay", or running a little short?
Could improve or needs better structure...
or that word "better" in general....


ahh.

It really sucks not having a phone. I wish my new one would hurry and come in the mail already.



That's really all I have to say today.

I feel like complete shit right now.

You CAN and you WILL. You aren't afraid of the task at hand, but yourself. Defeat it. Conquer it. Anything and everything, have no fear at all, you are always free, and failure is just not an option.

"Aw did someone finally grow a pair of balls?"
"I've always had a pair of balls, you've just never seen them"
"....that is about the gayest thing I have ever heard."



Ohhh man<3

People seem to have a lot of different perspectives of who I am. As people do with everyone, of course, nothing special or unique. A lot of people have absolutely no idea. There is a very few amount of people who actually hit the nail on the head,or at least begin to understand the tip of a few layers of me, (or desire to attempt). Sometimes I enjoy being able to float from persona to persona.. Like an undercover agent, pulling off different styles and hair colors... That's all that people can comprehend and see nowadays anyway. Hmm... Or maybe.. These "days" have no relevance,and they have never seen beyond that, ANY day..whether it be nowadays..or hundreds of years ago. So I am going to scratch that "nowadays" term off of my mind. If I look a certain way, is that all that I must be? So if I dress a certain way, does that mean that everything else beyond and underneath that must line up and support my appearance?
Example: If someone is blonde, they must only listen to pop music and care about makeup and shopping? or, another example; If someone has black hair, they must listen to metal and dress in black. If a girls pretty, she must be a bitch, if she has big lips, she must get injections, if she is really thin then she must have an eating disorder, if she takes revealing photos, she must be an easy slut, if she doesn't respond to your texts/messages/phone calls then she must be a stuck up ungrateful bitch. My hair is dark and sometimes it falls over my eyes, so I must be emo, and I like to write and rant, and I am not afraid to express my feelings, so I must be even more emo, I have been in love, so it must be bullshit because I am young. See, a lot of people stereotype naturally without even a second thought, it's sadly part of our human nature. But I really respect and am drawn to people who can see deep beyond that, people who realize there is so much more to everyone. There is so much more to everyone than out bodies and appearance. There are stories, memories, waiting to be told. Does it surprise you that I am the way I am, the "type" I am, does it shock you when you learn some of my interests, because I don't look like 'that' kind of person? No one fits into one stereotype. People are full of layers, there is so much to each person, it's just sad to put them into one category. I'm just...me.